Supporting an older relative at Christmas

How helping with the small things and providing a listening ear can make all the difference to an older loved one at this time of year.

Providing care for an older relative at Christmas, or perhaps having them visit over the holiday period, can be extremely challenging. However, with a little thought and planning, you can make the time together fulfilling for both of you.

At Bluebird Care in Calderdale and Bradford, we find it’s often good to concentrate on making the small things count. Big gestures – not to mention expensive presents – might be tempting, but smaller, thoughtful gestures can be equally effective and, at the same time, a lot less stressful. In this article, we will look at some of the small things that can be very effective.

Making time to look back at photo albums and talking about memories can be very enjoyable. If your loved-one has perhaps recently lost a spouse, this may help with the grieving process and provide comfort. But, always listen to what your loved one wants to look at. Give them options so that they can steer clear of memories they either don’t want to, or perhaps aren’t yet ready to face.

Sit down with your loved one and plan some TV watching together. Identify the programmes they want to watch and perhaps put aside your own preferences and let them take a lead on the viewing choices. You could even explore long-lost or half-forgotten favourites and use modern streaming services to find and play them. Looking back at old favourites, whether it’s TV, film or radio can be extremely comforting.

Many older people struggle to keep on top of the many small jobs and chores that are a part of everyday life. Think about offering your time to tick off a few of the things that have been bothering your loved-one or which they simply haven’t got round to doing. It might be simple cleaning and tidying – an early “Spring” clean might be very welcome. Similarly, DIY jobs have a habit of mounting up – hang that picture, change that bulb, clear the gutters, paint a door, move some furniture. Whatever needs doing, offer a hand and the time in which to do it.

Similarly, running a few errands in the car can be very welcome. It might be a trip to the shops for a stock-up of food, a trip to the tip to drop off some old furniture, a visit to a favourite shopping centre or market or garden centre.

The car can also be used for trips to a favourite village, café, viewpoint or even to see and old friend in the next town. Ask your loved one if they’d like to see a local show, visit church, look at the Christmas lights in the nearest town, or simply visit a few old haunts from their childhood or early married life.

Above all else, make a special effort to listen – loneliness makes every conversation important. Look to make the conversations high quality. Be patient and, above all else, listen. Even if the person you are talking to is expressing negative thoughts, listening to them may be helping them to deal with their feelings. Don’t feel drawn into providing solutions.

A patient, attentive companion who is listening to you is often all that is needed. Give your time and your attention above all else.