How and when to search for care for a loved one

We understand that caring for a loved one is number one priority. It may be tough realising that a loved one needs additional help. How and when to ask for help?

It is not always the customer that needs our care. According to a recent UK census, there are 5.4 million people in the UK who care for a relative. According to the same census, almost 4 million of these individuals care for 1-19 hours each week and a whopping 1.4 million provide 50 hours or more of unpaid care per week. These numbers flex on a continuous basis and are predicted to grow exponentially following the cataclysmic impact of COVID-19.

You truly are the unsung heroes of the nation.

The realisation that someone else needs your support can be tough. Commitments and priorities need to be shifted and, in many cases, sacrifices and changes need to be made. A dementia or Parkinson’s disease diagnosis can be a hard realisation for all parties, and providing the support required whilst continuing to manage conflicting priorities can be even harder.

For the purposes of this article, we think it important to clarify what we mean by the term ‘carer’. There are two meanings of the word. On the one hand, a carer is an individual employed and paid to look after an elderly, unwell or disabled individual. However, ‘carer’ is also a term used to describe a person who supports and looks after a relative or friend, though they are unpaid for this work. You, like many others in your situation, may not recognise yourself as a ‘carer’, despite adjusting your own life to take on extra responsibilities to better support your loved one or friend. This is even though your own health, employment and relationships will most likely be affected by taking on the caring role.

You, nor your family, need to struggle alone. We are very happy to have an informal discussion where you can explore your options and better your understand of what is available, ready for those times when you need to start scheduling a break or covering gaps where you’re unable to provide care.

It’s too true that its more natural for us all to provide selfless love and care for another than for ourselves. Asking for help is by no means an admission of failure - it’s the recognition that someone else can relieve the pressure and help you to continue to be able to look after your own health and wellbeing, as well as someone else’s.  

Care does not mean ‘care home’

A care assistant visiting your home to provide respite for an hour or so a week can give you access to a wealth of knowledge of support and services that you can use as a person’s mobility changes. As well as expert knowledge and support provided by our carers, you will also have a regular review with the care team who can identify whether there is a change in care need, and sign post you on to services who can facilitate things like hoists, profile beds and mobility aids in the home. Change does not mean deterioration. When care is provided early, it can often ensure that a person is kept fitter and more able for much longer.

Utilising care services for just 60 minutes a week can ensure you get the time and respite you need to meet friends, go to a club, or even make it to an important appointment. Since you have adopted a routine revolved around your caring responsibilities, you may not realise just how important it is to make time to focus on your own wellbeing too.

Help with personal care

Personal care refers to anything done for you that's of a personal nature. This may include hygiene management (bathing, showering, hair washing, shaving, oral hygiene and nail care) and continence management (toileting, catheter/stoma care, skin care, incontinence laundry and bed changing).

Whilst some or all of these may be forms of assistance that you’re happy to provide, the person you love and admire may struggle in feeling comfortable with you providing these services. This is an entirely natural reaction. There is something to be said for someone outside the family circle coming in to provide, just as a dentist or medical professional would do in any other context. There are some medical interventions that require discussion that we’d be more comfortable tackling with a trained expert, rather than our son, daughter, husband wife or partner.

Help at night

It’s typically only new parents that are recognised for dealing with restless nights and no sleep for weeks on end. However, we know that there are many carers who are enduring the same experience, as the person that they live with struggles with something known as ‘sundowning’.

‘Sundowning’ is where you see changes in a person suffering with dementia’s behaviour in the later afternoon or towards the end of the day. During this time the person may become intensely distressed, agitated and have hallucinations or delusions.

More about this stage of dementia can be found here.

Your own sleep deprivation can intensify the impact of providing full-time care and Bluebird Care can help. We offer something called ‘reverse live-in’, which is where a carer will provide care throughout the night, and then sleep in the day. For this to work in your home, all you need is the space for our carer to live-in with you on a rolling basis. Our live-in Field Care Supervisor will be able to discuss this and other options in more depth. If this is something that you would like to learn more about, please get in touch.

One-to-one, person-centred care

Providing care for someone you love and know dearly can be tough. It’s intense and at times can feel thankless.

Care is not an easy job. Therefore, we only recruit the right individuals. They represent our core company values and have the skills and ability to offer the best possible care for our customers. We have care assistants who specialise in live-in and domiciliary care and are trained to the highest standard.

If and when you feel ready to call us and discuss a care needs, we will be very happy to help.